mother’s day and i have a tenuous relationship.
it’s a day that started off remarkably this year. i got to sleep in, only to be woken up to a caramel macchiato and nemo, i.e. yellow and orange, roses. (with purple flowers too! mama, purple flowers!) cards from a most caring husband and a most beloved daughter. a daughter who thought it was worthy to stick ALL of her puffy smiley stickers into the card. (the card is for mama!)
and as she clambered off the bed, unsolicited and unpracticed, “happy mother’s day.”
then i began to think about my own mother. that woman whom i believe is still watching over me from her heavenly perch. the woman who showed me unconditional grace time and again with a depth of love and care that i don’t think i’ll ever fully understand.
and i became melancholy. to think that my mother won’t know my daughter, nor my coming son, here on earth… well, that’s just heart wrenching. i freely admit to being envious of those daughters whose mothers are a part of their parenting lives – no matter how brief. my children will never know their grandmother, how much she would have loved them, prayed for them. i will never hear her words of wisdom that can only come from a mother to her daughter as she watches her own come into her own in this chapter.
and as i kiss the scrapes and bruises of my child now, i miss my own mother’s kisses as i scrape and bruise along motherhood.
so my tears fell.
then i think, i have been so blessed because i did have my mother as long as i did. i should be happy.
but, that gap from head to heart sometimes seems insurmountable.
then, a little head bobbled over my bedside. “mommy? you wake up and come to me? i love you.”
yes. i will come to you. i will cross that gap and come to you. and joy filled my heart. and in that moment of motherly bliss, of loving your child so completely, i felt so close to my own mother. for this moment is one i know we would have shared – her for me, and i for my daughter.
i held that little hand, walking down the hall, knowing that my mother is with me, even still shaping me through each step of motherhood.
thank you, Lord, for these moments.